Archive for October, 2007

Venezuela President Hugo Chavez Ashamed of Himself

CNN has reported an Associated Press story about the latest insane ramblings of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez (or ‘el Presidente Loco’).

Chavez’s latest flavor of the day is to try to shame his people into not drinking, smoking and indulging in “shopping-mall materialism”.

Aside from raising the tax rate to 50 percent on a range of alcoholic beverages and increasing the 52% cigarette tax to 70 percent, he has several of initiatives (which are strangely reminscent of Cambodias Pol Pot) to change the daily lives of average Venezuelans. Such as Don’t douse foods with too much hot sauce, exercise regularly, eat low-cholesterol foods, respect speed limits. He also wants parents to stop buying Barbie dolls — and breast jobs — for their daughters.

“Now some say, ‘When my daughter turns 15 years old, we’re going to give her phony breasts.’ What a horrible thing! It’s the latest degeneration,” Chavez told one packed auditorium.

Now I can’t speak for Hugo, but when I see a Venezuelan girl with big hooters in a tight t-shirt washing a car… I NEVER say “What a horrible thing!”

CNN reports:

“We’re one of the countries that consumes the most whisky per capita in the world. We should be ashamed,” Chavez said recently on national television. “I’m not willing to continue offering dollars to import whisky in these quantities. What kind of revolution is this? The Whisky Revolution? The Hummer Revolution? No, this is a real revolution!”

The Venezuelan people do not seem as ready to embrace the puritan lifestyle as their coo-coo leader.

“If I drink my bottle of whisky it’s because I worked for it. I made the sacrifice and therefore I can drink whatever I want,” said shopkeeper Ernesto Gonzalez, 49.

Chavez: ‘We should be ashamed’



October 11, 2007 at 3:08 am Leave a comment

Indiana Church Has PORN SUNDAY!!

Now I know what you’re thinking, but apparently it’s NOT a Catholic Priest child pornography trading meeting.

When I first heard about this I said, “Finally! A church for me!” But alas, like most everything in Christianity it was lies and deception.

This church called “The Crux” is actually trying to get people to STOP using porn! Yeah, I know! It’s sick, what they’re doing, and it’s UNAMERICAN!! reports:

Despite being the son of a pastor, Donny Paulding grew tired of what he called judgment and got swept up into porn addiction.

“When I was growing up in church, it was pretty judgmental and condescending. I grew to hate Christians,” Paulding said. “Part of the reason I went into porn was to rub it in the faces of the people of my past.”

Me and ol’ Donny have a lot in common! I also have grown to hate most Christians, and I like rubbing porn in places other than the faces of other people, but Hey! whatever gets your rocks off!

The story goes on to say:

“It’s something that everybody struggles with at some level,” said Nicole Suter, who attends The Crux.

Yeah! As soon as I get home, I’m going to “struggle” with some porn for about 20 minutes then fall into a blissful sleep. (I wonder what Nicole Suter looks like…)

As far as I know, there has been no talk of a “Masturbation Monday” follow-up.


October 9, 2007 at 2:59 am 1 comment

South Korea to host conference on condom size

South Korea’s government wants to set international quality and size standards for condoms. *chuckle… tee-hee*

A five-day meeting, organized by the International Organisation for Standardisation and the Seoul government, will begin today (October 8th) on the southern resort island of Jeju.

The Commerce Ministry’s standardisation agency expects 100 people from 50 nations to attend, agency spokesperson Yoo Yong-Jae said. No mention of huge orgies was made, but participants are hopeful.

South Africa’s Mail and Guardian Online reports that South Korean firms, led by Unidus, account for about 30% of global condom sales. Unidus chief Kim Sung-Hoon said:

“Demand has been growing for years for unified international standards on the size and quality of condoms to ensure users are protected from disease and women from pregnancy,”

“The size of South Korean condoms now meets international standards, helped by an increase in the size of men’s penises here”

Okay I think the question that’s on every man’s mind now is, “How exactly are South Korean penises experiencing this sudden growth spurt?” 

Kim Sung-Hoon goes on to say that globally, 80 major companies are capable of producing 12-billion condoms a year, but annual demand is just eight billion.

Citing the good quality of South Korean condoms, he said his company would lobby for the World Health Organisation and other participants to adopt Korean standards.

If the world starts going by the standard of Korean penis size, I think we’re all in trouble.


October 8, 2007 at 3:45 am 17 comments

Kim Jong-Il says he is ‘internet expert’

Reclusive North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il has boasted of being an “internet expert,” reports said on Saturday.

The communist state keeps itself closed to the outside world to prevent so-called spiritual pollution from subverting its hard-line socialist system.

Kim told delegates at this week’s historic inter-Korean summit his internet expertise made him reluctant to allow further access to the web in the communist state, the South’s Yonhap news agency reported.

Kim’s comment came as he turned down South Korea’s proposal that a joint industrial park in the communist state be connected to the internet.

“I am an internet expert. Many problems would arise if the internet is connected to other parts of the North,” Yonhap quoted Kim as saying.

The media is a propaganda tool in North Korea, where televisions and radios are tuned to official channels only, and the leadership is aware of the internet’s potential to stir up dissent.

It operates its own version of the internet, a highly censored intranet that is policed by the Korea Computer Centre, North Korea’s window on the worldwide web and its leading high-technology research and development hub. — AFP


October 8, 2007 at 3:15 am Leave a comment

Tax Evaders Captured By Their Own Stupidity

Guess what? You're going to prison and the feds STILL got your stuff!

WMUR News of New Hampshire reports that Ed and Elaine Brown (or “The Plainfield Jackasses”) were captured in their own home by U.S. Marshalls posing as supporters.

The two idiots, who had earlier declared that they would not come out alive, were apparently big talk and no walk.

WMUR reports:

The undercover officers were invited in by the Browns on Thursday evening, and before the couple realized they weren’t supporters, they were already under arrest.

“Ultimately, this open-door policy that they seemed to have, which allowed the Browns to have some supporters bring them supplies, welcome followers and even host a picnic — this proved to be their undoing,” U.S. Marshal Stephen Monier said. “They invited us in. We escorted them out.”

The story goes on to say that the Browns (known locally as the “Dynamic Dumbasses”) had been in a standoff with police since April over tax evasion charges. They claimed that there is no law forcing them to pay taxes and refused to surrender.

Every five to ten years we hear about a family or “militia” group getting into a standoff with police over some nonsense about how the feds cannot legally make us pay taxes. And every time it ends with the “patriots” either being gunned down or dragged off to prison. In either circumstance, the feds end up with your property.

Now, I am by no means a tax or legal expert. However I do have more common sense than a yellow post-it pad, and that is more than enough to figure out that if the feds surround your house and tell you to “come on outtta their, y’alls surrounded” then you will WILL lose any and every upcoming physical confrontation. If you don’t believe me, just ask the Browns, or David Koresh (the Branch Davidians), or Randy Weaver (Ruby Ridge), or Dick Wilson (Wounded Knee), etc., etc.

I am not saying that any of these people or groups were right or wrong. I am saying that when you choose the route of direct physical confrontation with the U.S. Government, you will lose.


October 7, 2007 at 7:39 pm Leave a comment

Philippine Government Pissed-Off At Desperate Housewives

Okay, as a general rule I try to avoid television. And as a concrete rule I avoid Desperate Housewives type programming. But apparently Teri Hatcher (used to be hot, then turned into a shoe) plays a character named Susan Mayer who was talking to a gynecologist about herpes or something, i’m not sure what… but anyway… The Daily Tribune (of the aforementioned Philippines) quotes Desperate Housewives:

“They hear aging, brittle bones, loss of sexual drive…,” said the doctor who was cut midway by Mayer.

Mayer said: “Okay before we go any further, can I check those diplomas because I want to make sure that they’re not from some med school in the Philippines.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Big, Freakin’ Whoopedeedoo”. I concur.

The Daily Tribune then goes on to quote Department of Foreign Affairs spokesman Claro Cristobal who is quoting Philippine Consul-General to Los Angeles Mary Jo Bernardo Aragon:

“The Philippine medical profession is highly regarded all over the world as evidenced by high demand of Filipino healthcare professionals in many countries, including the US.”

Now, this may or may not be true. I do not know, neither do I care. Now let me tell you about my big but.


If it is true then you should really have nothing to worry about, so stop crying.

The Daily Tribune continues:

Executive Secretary Eduardo Ermita, for his part, also yesterday said the government will ask for an apology because what happened was a clear case of “racial slur” against Filipino professionals.

“Yes, I think we should in behalf of our Filipino professionals. That’s a racial slur. We are being belittled. Our professionals have proved themselves enough here and abroad…I think we have to criticize it, their attention can be called,” he noted.

The Palace official, however, stressed the development does not reflect the impression of the US government on Filipino professionals.

“I don’t think it is reflective of the attitude of the US government,” Ermita said.

Well, I would say that it is more of a slur against Philippines Medical Universities than it is against their “race”, but whatever…

Also, why did the US government even come up in this discussion? Does Mr. Ermita think that US programming is ran by the government? Again, whatever…

Desperate Housewives racial slur irks RP gov’t


October 4, 2007 at 2:42 am Leave a comment

Kenyan Politicians Fight Over Oranges

The ODM party and the ODM-Kenya parties are both petitioning the Electoral Commission of Kenya (ECK) for exclusive rights to use an orange as a symbol for their parties. Apparently, ODM has been using a full orange, while ODM-Kenya opted for the more daring one full and a half orange.

Yeah! Good thinking guys, because THAT is what is wrong in Kenya! Let’s stop bickering about the little issues that mean nothing, such as:

→ 50% of the population living below the poverty line

→ 40% unemployment rate

→ rampant HIV/AIDS epidemics (currently 1 in 16 Kenyans have full blown AIDS)

(Do I need to go on?)

Kenya’s The Standard Online reports:

‘Raila, Mudavadi and chairman Mr Henry Kosgey said ODM legally owned the symbol.
“Ours is a full Orange and the ODM-Kenya’s is one and a half orange. We are Chungwa and they are Machungwa,” added Raila.
ODM has in the past claimed that it had been granted exclusive rights to use the orange symbol, adding that no other party should claim the orange.
Maanzo said they urged ECK to ensure that the party was the only one allowed to use the orange symbol.
“We have the conviction that the orange symbol is ours and will agree to nothing less,” said Maanzo.
They argued that should the ECK allow the two parties to use their respective orange symbols, then they had no problem but should it be ruled that the orange was for one party, they would demand that it be given to their party.
Kalonzo later demanded a guarantee from the ECK that the orange would be part of their symbol.’

 Let me make sure I have it straight:
ODM = Chungwa = full orange
ODM-Kenya = MaChungwa = full orange and half orange
Yep, that’s like night and day.

Anyone remember the movie that said, “Stupid is as Stupid does.”?

ECK caught up in fresh battle for orange symbol
SOURCE: CIA World Fact Book — Kenya


October 4, 2007 at 1:45 am 1 comment

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