Posts filed under ‘Senior Citizens’

Man Drags 71 Year Old Woman Across Parking Lot

An old woman was dragged across a parking lot in Lawrence, Indiana by her purse strap.

Apparently, Matthew Woods, 19, needed to borrow a few dollars to support his crack habit (I assume) but the selfish 71 year old unnamed woman refused to help him. So, like any good American, he grabbed her purse and dragged her across the pavement.

Matthew Woods, A Fine American

The woman’s greed, however, knew no bounds and she refused to let go. After several minutes, Woods was frightened by a passing car so he let go of the purse and got into his get-away car, driven by his sister Phebi Caston, 23.

An evil witness followed Woods and Caston and called police who arrested Caston. Woods has yet to be found. Police are anxious to find Mr. Woods so he can fill out a complaint against the woman concerning her refusal to render aid to his drug addiction (I assume).

The photo of Matthew Woods posted here was taken earlier this year when he was arrested on suspicion of vehicle theft (surely some sort of misunderstanding).

Robber Drags Woman, 71, Across Parking Lot



September 21, 2007 at 9:57 pm 1 comment

60-Year-Olds On Alleged Crime Spree Arrested In Vt.

Here we go again!


Old people running rampant, raising hell, making life miserable for us decent folk!
Hell, I’m afraid to go outside!

Police in Burlington, Vermont are accusing Paul and Michelle McElaney of credit card fraud after they were caught red-handed with stolen property purchased with credit cards from a stolen purse. However they believe that the “old bastards” may have been involved in similar crimes up and down the Eastern seaboard, their wicked acts stretching from Massachusetts to Florida. This isn’t surprising because old people “tend to congregate in hell-holes like Florida in order to plan out their heists.” news reports:

Police said they soon found the couple — who are in their early 60s — and charged them with six counts of fraud and possession of stolen property. But prosecutors said the charges may be only “the tip of the iceberg.”

People, I’ve been saying for years that old people can’t be trusted. And I think it’s about time that the authorities begin to take note. The only sensible solution is to round up these ne’er-do-wells and put them in some sort of “homes” where they can be watched and kept out of trouble. Day in and day out the newswires are filled with stories of senior citizens, or “O.G.’s” as they prefer to be called, looting and killing and not watering their lawn.

It’s like I’ve always said:

If you turn the other cheek, your just going to get kicked in the ass again.


September 19, 2007 at 9:42 pm 2 comments

Bloodied 70-year-old woman cuffed for having a brown lawn


Yet another gathering place for “O.G.’s” to mass and seethe while hatching plans which will, upon fruition, destroy the very foundations of this great country.

“Big Bad” Betty Perry (note the shifty eyes!)

70 year old Betty Perry, or Big Bad Betty as her gang calls her, has committed a breach of the public trust so heinous that I am hesitant to tell you about it, lest you lose faith in humanity forever. However, I feel that you must be informed of this sacrilege so that you can be aware of such things and be alert to such horrors in your own neighborhoods.

Betty’s water had been turned off for about nine months, resulting in her lawn turning brown due to lack of hydration. A CRIME TO THE GOOD PEOPLE OF OREM, UTAH! When the angelic and goodly Officer James Flygare (clad in the righteousness of the Lord) came to call Bad Betty to task for this grave infraction. She violently (and with malice aforethought) refused to give her name. The Brave Officer Flygare was having none of this tomfoolery and proceeded to handcuff this 70 year old scumbag. She needed a taste of justice to set her back upon the goodly path.

As reported by

During a struggle, Perry fell and injured her nose. She spent more than an hour in a holding cell before police released her.

Bloodied 70-year-old woman cuffed for having a brown lawn


September 19, 2007 at 9:31 pm 1 comment

62-year-old Grandmother Arrested in a Prostitution Sting

Let me start by saying that laws against prostitution are ridiculous and should have been abolished with the inquisitions.

Now, with that being said…EEEWWWW!!!


Mary Clark Duncan (62) and her daughter Teresa Diane Duncan were arrested on August 1st for prostitution. They agreed to have sex with an undercover cop for $15 each.

Fort Payne Police Chief David Walker said the majority of the Duncan’s clientele was believed to be Hispanics. WTF!? How would you know that, and why is it news?

Anyway, I won’t be able to get “excited” for at least a week.


Alabama Grandma Gets Jail For Prostitution


September 19, 2007 at 4:33 am 4 comments

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