Posts filed under ‘Terrorism’

Iran says CIA is ‘terrorist’ agency

There’s always one, isn’t there.


“Iran’s parliament has approved a nonbinding resolution to label the CIA and the US army as “terrorist organisations”.”

Oh give me a freakin’ break. You know, I can actually sympathize with some of the complaints that Iran has with the CIA and others. But this ‘resolution’ is reminiscent of a 9-year-olds insult come-back “No I’m not, you are!”

And what exactly is Ahmadinejad going to do if it is ratified into Iranian law? Are they going to freeze CIA assets? Will they apply travel restrictions on US Army personnel?

al-Jazeera goes on to say:

“The (Iranian) government is expected to remain silent over the parliament resolution and wait for US reaction before making its decision.”

Well what the hell do you think the US reaction will be? Condoleeza Rice or a White House spokesperson will come out and say something like “accusations from a state sponsor of terrorism don’t carry much weight in world opinion” or “statements like these are just another example of Iran trying to divert world attention away from their funding and arming of terrorists in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Lebanon.”

What a bunch of jack-asses.


I was almost right, it was National Security Council spokesman Gordon Johndroe and his exact words were that he declined to comment:

“on non-binding resolutions passed by parliaments in countries with dubious records on human rights, democracy and that are state sponsors of terror.”

The story from IRNA (Iranian state controlled news agency)
Iran’s parliament votes to label CIA, U.S. Army ‘terrorist’ groups
Iran says CIA is ‘terrorist’ agency



September 30, 2007 at 3:55 am 1 comment

Why Osama bin Laden Dyed His Beard

I found this comedic explanation as to why bin Laden in my favorite South African newspaper, Mail & Guardian Online.

Dyeing for the cause

A comment by: Marina Hyde 

There are days when even the World’s Most Wanted Man looks in the mirror and just feels like the world’s most unwanted man. He stares at his grey beard, sighs wearily at a FedEx-ed package of cave-floor carpet samples Mullah Omar wants him to pick between, and thinks: is there some sharia law loophole that means I could hang out with Scarlett Johansson for a few days, as long we just laugh at funny little Japanese people together and don’t get it on?

His heart says yes; logistical problems say no. But what is the point of all the senseless mass murder and crappy pieces to camera if he has no one to share them with? Osama bin Laden’s belated midlife crisis has been revealed to the world in his latest video, the subplot of which was something about joining his “caravan of martyrs” but its overriding message was: “I’ve been manscaped. Who wants to go to a karaoke bar?”

Studying that newly-dyed beard, two shades up on the Pantone chart from Paul McCartney’s hair, you can only draw one conclusion: an age-inappropriate woman inspired it. He’s probably toying with quitting his job as al-Qaida’s CEO. Maybe even learning to surf, you know?

Alas, the global jihadist movement has the ideological manoeuvrability of a supertanker, and so it is that a new book finds Osama’s junior colleagues behind the curve. In Schmoozing with Terrorists, published this week, journalist Aaron Klein conducts interviews with several jihadists, during which he asks their opinions on various celebrities.

To summarise: holy warriors seem to have got pretty exercised about that kiss between Madonna and Britney Spears at the 2003 MTV video music awards. The one that Madonna declared she had explained to her daughter thusly: “I am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star. And I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her.” (Great job, old girl! Unfortunately, Britney’s downward spiral from there on in suggests you are in fact a succubus.)

Anyway, Abu Abdullah, a senior member of Hamas’s military wing, has a strategy for handling the ladies. “At the beginning,” he tells Klein, “we will try to convince Madonna and Britney Spears to follow Allah’s way.” Um … dude, did you see this year’s MTV awards? Britney can’t even follow the backing track’s way. The complex strands of the Qur’an might be a stretch at this difficult stage in her journey.

But Abdel-Al, a like-minded leader of the Popular Resistance Committees, concurs: “If these two prostitutes keep doing what they are doing, we of course will punish them. I will have the honour, I repeat, I will have the honour to be the first one to cut off the heads of Madonna and Britney Spears.” Can you technically be anything other than the first person to cut off someone’s head? Whatever. He goes on to say that women such as Madonna “must be 80 times hit with a belt”.

I think I already saw that in Madonna’s Express Yourself video.

Clearly, though, the positive news is that militants are becoming absurdly obsessed with celebrities, the opium of the West, and, like the rest of us, they will soon be so consumed by Lindsay’s rehab visits and Paris’s upskirt shots, that they will forget all about their day jobs.

In the meantime, does the book show that they respect any of our fine entertainment industry personalities? Well, there is the one . . . they love Mel Gibson. Yes, the jihadists have a lot of time for Mel. And I have to tell you that it isn’t because they really liked his work in Mad Max. — © Guardian News & Media Ltd 2007

Dyeing for the cause


September 23, 2007 at 6:47 pm 2 comments

Hawaiian MIT Arrested With Fake Bomb at Airport

OR: Aloha To Your Future!

I always thought that MIT was supposed to be filled with geniuses and whiz kids. Although, to be fair I guess that geniuses can still be nuts.

Star Simpson, artist extraordinaire!

Star Simpson, a 19 year old MIT Sophomore wearing a black-hooded sweatshirt was arrested at gunpoint at Logan International Airport outside Terminal ‘C’ with a fake bomb strapped across her chest. The (former?) swim team student said that it was a piece of art for career day. Quoting State Police Maj. Scott Pare, commanding officer at the Logan Intl.:

“She claims that it was just art, and that she was proud of the art and she wanted to display it.”

Pare went on to say that had Simpson not followed instructions during the arrest, she would be in a morgue instead of a cell. 

The “device” was described as having batteries connected to wires and a circuit board. Some reports go on to say that putty (later identified as Play-do) was also attached, others say that the Play-do was in Simpsons hands.

The MIT Swimming and Diving Team Sophomore had apparently walked into the airport with the “art” strapped to her minimal bosom, proceeded to the information desk where she asked about a passenger on an inbound flight from Oakland, then left the airport. Shortly thereafter she was discovered outside Terminal ‘C’ licking pavement and surrounded by police bearing automatic weapons.

Photos of a shaved headed Simpson from a friends online album(I’m pretty sure that my story is the only one with a link to these photos)
Star Simpsons Personal MIT Webpage
MIT student with fake bomb arrested at Boston airport
Police: Student Arrested In Bomb Hoax Lucky Not In Morgue
Woman held in airport bomb hoax


September 21, 2007 at 10:33 pm 3 comments

Chiquita Brands Intl. : Corporate Sponsor of Terrorism

 Or: Is that a banana in your pocket,

or do you just want to kill me?

 So Chiquita Brands International is being fined $25 million and put on probation for 5 years by the U.S. Justice Department for supporting terrorists in Columbia (upon approval by U.S. courts).

They are accused of paying in excess of $1.7 million to the AUC (The United Self-Defense Forces of Columbia). In addition to this, they are also charged with making payments to FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia) and ELN (National Liberation Army) over a period of time stretching from 1989-1997. 

Charges filed in the case claim that senior company executives knew about the payments. From the CNN story:

“In a written statement issued in March, Chiquita Brands International CEO Fernando Aguirre said the company viewed the plea agreement “as a reasoned solution to the dilemma the company faced several years ago.”

How is it that Fernando Aguirre and his co-horts are avoiding prison time? We have people at Guantanomo Bay held for years without charges for associating with the wrong people at the wrong time, and slime bags like this can pay millions to known terrorists (designated as terrorists by the U.S. government, I might add) and tra-la-la home?

Chiquita: $25M fine for terror payments


September 12, 2007 at 10:57 pm 2 comments

An Open Letter To The Tamil Tigers, ETA, Al Qaeda, et al.

Why you are a terrorist – not a hero, defender, or holy warrior

You want the world to have sympathy for your “cause” (which in some cases, may be just and reasonable), and yet you use methods that civilized people abhor.

I am in support of a semi-autonomous homeland for the Tamil people of Sri Lanka, but like any sane and knowledgeable individual I am vehemently opposed to the actions and ideology of the LTTE (Tamil Tigers). I realize that you are fighting a war, and that in wars there are (however terribly unfortunate) civilian casualities. But this is not a justification for deliberate terrorist attacks upon the people of Sri Lanka. Your purposeful murder of civilians makes you worse than the unjust people you are fighting against.

I am not as familiar with the history of the Basque areas of Spain and France, however my message is the same to ETA. If you attack and kill innocent people who are just trying to live their lives then how can the world take seriously your complaints of oppression or mistreatment at the hands of the French and Spanish governments, and your demands for an independent nation?

I AM quite familiar with the tenets of Islam and while I will never be a scholar, I know for a fact that the Quran teaches that to murder one innocent person is the same as killing the entire world. So, in light of this, you in al-Qaeda and other “Islamic” organizations justify your terrorism and murderous activities by claiming martyrdom for the innocent muslims you kill while attacking your enemies? Of course, this does not even touch upon the civilians of other religions whom you slaughter in your misguided wrath.
The very fact that you call yourselves Muslims has done more damage to the Ummah than the sum of the actions of all your imagined enemies.

You are all terrorists, along with others who I have not singled out here.
You are an abomination to your God, and your world.
You are living in a mindset of terror and violence that modern society has abandoned centuries ago.
You are not liberation fighters, or holy warriors.
You are not heroes of your people, your nation, or your faith.

Heroes defend innocent human beings.
Heroes protect the helpless.
Heroes save lives.
They do not terrorize populations with the justification of “collateral damage”, “all’s fair in war”, or “you killed ours so we will kill yours”.

Wikipedia: Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam
Wikipedia: Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA)
Wikipedia: al Qaeda


September 10, 2007 at 12:08 am 2 comments

Did They? Or Didn’t They?

So the Taliban released the South Korean hostages, and the big question flying around is: “Did the South Korean government pay a ransom?”

As a rule, I agree with the U.S. official policy of “no negotiations with terrorists”.

Now, with that being said. What if it was my wife? WWSD? (What Would Sluggabohn Do?) I would walk through the Taliban minefields, dodge the roving patrols, low crawl under their barbed wire, sneak up behind Mullah Omar, and with fire in my eyes and righteous indignation in my heart — I would fall down on my knees and beg for my wife.

Yeah, that’s right. Negotiate with terrorists? I would kiss his sweaty ass, give him my car, house, bank accounts, credit cards and YOUR first born child.

  • How could I say such a thing? Because the thought of losing my wife over principles is literally (as I type this) making my stomach lurch.
  • Will it encourage more kidnappings? Maybe. Probably.
  • Do I care? Definitely. It would most likely haunt me forever.
  • Would it stop me from doing ANYTHING to get my wife back safely? — nope

I do not know if the South Korean government paid a ransom to the Taliban, but I cannot judge them if they did.


September 2, 2007 at 4:47 am Leave a comment

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